Seinfeld Opening Theme

Click here to read the best Seinfeld monologues.

Plot Outline:
One of the most watched television shows of the 90's, "Seinfeld" is a true-to-life comedy series that follows the events of a group of friends. The group consists of Jerry Seinfeld, a stand-up comedian who questions every bizarre tidbit about life, George Costanza, a hard-luck member of the New York Yankees organization, Elaine Benes, a flashy woman who is not afraid to speak her mind, and Cosmo Kramer, an extremely eccentric, lanky goofball. Another very notable member of the show is Newman, a chubby mailman, friend of Kramer, and, almost always, nemesis of Jerry. Other sources of comedy appear in the form of the parents of both Jerry and George.

Seinlanguage Seinology: The Sociology of Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld Live on Broadway: I'm Telling You for the Last Time Seinfeld and Philosophy

Why we like him?
Seinfeld changed the television sitcom forever and provided us with hours of laughter and endless catch phrases to add to our repertoire.

Why is he famous?
After he made his mark as a stand-up comedian, Jerry Seinfeld went on to create, write and star in one of the most successful television programs of all-time. Seinfeld was one of a handful of shows throughout history to leave an indelible mark on popular culture.

By virtue of a show about "nothing," Jerry Seinfeld has carved a permanent place in contemporary society. Hit status is coveted by every entertainer in show business yet realized by an infinitesimal few. Who is not familiar with the term "master of your domain," "close talker," "ribbon bully," or "Festivus"?

Even the most casual observer of his landmark television show Seinfeld is aware of the social impact that he had with fellow creative genius Larry David. Millions tuned in Thursday nights for almost a decade to watch Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer in action and every episode served as water-cooler fodder the next morning.

Click here to read the best Seinfeld monologues.

Seinfeld: The Totally Unauthorized Tribute (Not That There's Anything Wrong with That) Sein Off




The following sound files are small and you can listen/watch them by clicking on the link and waiting or you can save them to your hard disk by right-clicking then picking "Save Target As..."

The first monologue from the first episode, Phonen Machine, Animal Rights, , Mannequins,
Reservations, Frank Costanza, Banana Peel, Big Mac, Telemarketting,
Double-dipped the Chip, Glasses , I Love You, George's Answering Machine,
Seinfeld Collage,
GREEN DAY - GOOD RIDDANCE (TIME OF YOUR LIFE) Midi file, featured on Sienfeld.


"That's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would have to break through the door. They'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face." -George

"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything -- which as you know, always leads to something -- cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." -Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family." -Jerry Seinfeld You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out." -Jerry Seinfeld

"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy." - George, in "The Hot Tub"

"The point, George, is she likes you."
"Oh, so what. I'd rather she hate me and thought I was good looking."
- Elaine and George, in "The Doodle"

"I don't get that whole suicide machine. There's no tall buildings where these people live? They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?" - Jerry, in "The Suicide"

"My whole life has been a complete waste of time."
"And there's so much more to go."
- George and Jerry, in "The Truth"

"I've driven women to lesbianism before, but never a mental institution." - George, in "The Truth"

"We made out at the table like our plane was going down." - Elaine, in "The Bookstore"

"Is it my imagination, or do really good-looking women walk a lot faster than everybody else?"
- George and Elaine, in "The Handicap Spot"

"George, if you're going to be in a creative field, you're going to have to learn how to deal with criticism."
"How's this for criticism... Ummm... You stink. How do you like that criticism?"
- Therapist and George, in "The Shoes"

"Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know."
- George, in "The Shoes"

"You know, revulsion has now become a valid form of attraction."
"Well, then you're driving me wild."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Little Kicks"

"I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy."
"You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend."
"Yes. Yes, yes."
"The bad fiance, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk."
"Okay, the point is made."
"The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen. The bad tipper!"
- George and Jerry, in "The Little Kicks"

"You know, if you take everything I've done in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent." - George, in "The Muffin Tops"

"Conformity's an obsession with me." - George, in "The Pie"

"Sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool."
- Elaine, to Jerry, in "The Implant"

"Why do I always have the feeling everybody's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?"
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"

"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
- George, Elaine and Jerry, in "The Hamptons"

"Why do they call it a wedgie?"
"Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until... it wedges in."
"They also have an Atomic Wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare."
"Boys are sick."
"What do girls do?"
"We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."
- Elaine, George and Jerry, in "The Library"

"And she said yes?"
"Well, it took a couple hours of convincing, but I was persistent."
- Jerry and George, who asked Susan to marry him, in "The Engagement"

"This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!" - Jerry, in "The Stakeout"

"Every day it's something else with you. I don't know anything about you any more. Who are you? What kind of life are you leading? Who knows what you're doing? Maybe you're making porno films."
"Yeah. I'm Buck Naked." - George's mother and George, in "The Outing"

"I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they're thinking, 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'"
- George, in "The Subway"

"I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive."
"So, hopelessness is the key?"
"It's my only hope."
- George and Jerry, in "The Fix-Up"

"If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all."
- George, in "The Stand-In"

"I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off."
- George, in "The Stand-In"

"Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year." - George, in "The Phone Message"

"The jerk store called, they're running out of you!" - George, in "The Comeback"


  • Jerry Seinfeld has a collection of over 500 sneakers. They are all white.
  • Jason Alexander (George) was always fitted with a suit one size too small [in Seinfeld], to make his character look "uncool"
  • The character of Cosmo Kramer is based on Kenny Kramer, a man who worked across the hall from co-creator Larry David. In a self-confessed move to cash-in on the sitcom's popularity, Kenny Kramer formed the "Kramer Reality Tour", an officially-recognized New York City tour which visits the real-life locations often featured in the sitcom.
  • Did you know that the first line of the first episode (The Seinfeld Chronicles) is the same as the last line of the final episode? Jerry tells George, "See, now to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's land". In the first episode George and Jerry are in the coffee shop when he says it, and in the final episode they are in the jail cell.
  • Elaine Benes wasn't in the pilot (The Seinfeld Chronicles) After that episode aired they decided that they needed a female character to kind of balance out the three males.
  • The "Kramer Entrance" was actually an accidental discovery? He was late for his cue, so he accidentally slid through the door. Everyone thought it was funny and decided to keep it.
  • In the episode where Elaine dates a man named Joel Rifkin, she tries to have him change his name, since Joel Rifkin is also the name of a brutal serial killer. One of the initial suggestions for a new name was O.J. This episode was shot in 1993, a year before the O.J. Simpson murders!!
  • In Jerry's apartment, he has a picture on the wall of a black Porsche 911 catching air going over a hill. In real life, Jerry is an avid Porsche fan and collector.
  • The episode where Newman grills Jerry about mail fraud is a parody of Basic Instinct (1992).
  • As Kramer became more popular, his entrance applause grew so prolonged that the cast complained it was ruining the pacing of their scenes. Directors subsequently asked the audience not to applaud so much when Kramer entered.
  • The apartment used for exterior shots of "129 West 81st" New York is not actually in New York at all, but is 757 New Hampshire Ave., West Hollywood, California. There's a Taco Bell directly across from it.
  • The night before the final episode, ABC aired an episode of "Dharma & Greg" (1997) in which the couple tries to have sex in public because everyone will be indoors watching the "Seinfeld" finale.
  • The Bubble Boy (Donald Sanger) was played by an old man, John Hayman.
  • Kramer was named Kessler in the first episode while Seinfeld was named The Seinfeld Chronicles.
  • While it's true that both TV Jerry and real-life Jerry are big fans of Superman, and that references to Superman (and other comic book super heroes) are regular occurrences on the show, it is not true that every episode includes a reference. Between the Superman refrigerator magnet,the Superman figurine on the shelf by Jerry's stereo, and the frequent spoken references, at least 80 or 90% of the episodes include a reference, but not all.

Good Manners According To Seinfeld Episodes:

  • Don't double-dip the chip you already bit.
  • Scoop small food such as corn niblets or peas with your fork. Don't prong them one at a time.
  • If a guest brings food, such as a loaf of bread, to your dinner party, serve it.
  • Don't degift (take back something you gave), regift (give away something you received), issue an unvite or nonvitation (to someone you hope won't attend your function) or overthank (by calling with a day-after thanks if you said thanks the night before).
  • When in a movie theather, observe the empty "bufferzone seat" between you and the person beside you.
  • Don't pee in the shower at the health club.
  • And for goodness' sake, don't remove a TV GUIDE from someone's home -- it may be part of a collection.
  • Don't double park! You might block someone in. If you do, leave a note. According to George, this is how dictatorships start.
  • If you are invited to a dinner party, bring something such as wine and cake (not pepsi and ringdings).


Comedian Lafflink Presents The Platinum Comedy Series, Vol. 1 - Jerry Seinfeld Seinfeld - The Complete Series

Some Reasons Why Jerry Has Dumped Those Women:

No one is more picky when it comes to dating than Jerry. Over the years, he's struck up relationships with a variety of woman, only to eventually dump them for reasons perhaps only a psychiatrist could understand.

  • For eating peas one at a time.
  • For being liked by his parents.
  • For having been with and dumped by Newman!
  • For shushing him in front of the TV.
  • For not tasting his pie.
  • For appearing to own only one dress.
  • For having man hands.
  • For being "too perfect" that her friends kept saying, "its so nice he's doing this for her."
  • For thinking his standup act is not funny.

Click here to read the best Seinfeld monologues.

Jerry Seinfeld  Jerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-Dreyfus Elaine Benes
Michael Richards Cosmo Kramer
Jason Alexander Mr. Lippman
Estelle Harris Estelle Costanza
Richard Herd Wilhelm
Wayne Knight Newman
Len Lesser Uncle Leo
Barney Martin Morty Seinfeld
John O'Hurley J. Peterman
Liz Sheridan Helen Seinfeld
Jerry Stiller Frank Costanza
Heidi Swedberg Susan Biddle Ross
Patrick Warburton David Puddy


Seinfeld (Official website - A very cool website)
IMDB page
The "Real" Kramer's Homepage


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